Asshole!

Today when I went to sit beside my friend in the library, we politely asked the guy to the left of us to shift over a bit to accommodate me. He reluctantly moved over, but then some Eastern European asshole studying Economics to the right was like "No, no, you sit somewhere else. This is library ok?" Yeah I know you fathead bitch. I said alright then, buddy, and we began laughing at his obstinate, insolent, indolence. "Yeah, it's funny," he cleverly retorted, his buzzcut glistening with sweat from the Gyro he likely was chomping earlier. I began to feel fury like a Greek rat. Then, the initially reluctant guy, inspired by the fathead's insolence said "Yes. It make me uncomfortable too." I was then outnumbered. I hope the main prick dies by a helicopter accidentally landing on him while he works out in front of the UBC gymnasium mirror, and the secondary sheepish asshole breaks his leg and fails all his exams.

Religious Boy

I used to study God and pray

For a present with a bow

For eternal knowledge, chicks from college

And a mountain bag of blow

I read the Bible, Qur'an, and the

One done by the Jews

I followed the Morman Weekly Gazette

And took Communion too

But as I waited for this Being

To bring me special treats

I received no drugs, nor bitches

Only ugly socks and beets

So now instead of worshipping

I do my hair, and look sexy

And kiss myself in the mirror

'Cause the real god is me

Don't touch the mink!

Sometimes

When I'm over at my Aunt's

She throws her ancient mink on her back

"WHY!"

Poor minky.

Did he deserve such a stupid fate?

Too late.

There he sits

Lifeless on living...bored, unfulfilled

Chubby shouldered fur faced bitch.

Dolphin Boy

Deep throat dolphin boy

Sitting on a lamb

Eating herbs, delicacies

And mustard covered hams

“Hello, boy?” I gently asked

Are you currently employed?

He just spouted out his blowhole

Saying “I’m off to Illinois!”

My Relationship with Horsies

A saw a purple horse today

Running down the street

His legs they looked like monuments

Or very weathered beats

I tried to saddle, mount him, ride

But his whinny sounded “No!”

He bit off both my ankles

A truly bitter foe.